Now that we are finally together after four years of being 3,000 miles apart, we are finding out new things about one other. A few days of "honeymooning" once a month is very different from everyday living; it's been four months of the day-to-day stuff now.
I'm happy to report that I've found most of these discoveries quite charming. He enjoys a ridiculous amount of mustard on his sandwiches (and the meat in said sandwiches should be folded rather than laid flat). He's really good at maximizing the capacity of the dishwasher when he loads it. My constant reminders to use sunscreen over the years has actually worked; I notice him packing it when he golfs. And my favorite: the man can cook!
Some other discoveries are less than charming.
The man has gas. And a LOT of it!
Seriously, a little toot here and there is ok, but does he purposely go around swallowing air before he sees me? Is he chowing down a pound of beans for lunch everyday? I don't get it! According to Why Do Men Have Nipples, "A person produces about half a liter of farts a day.... Most people pass gas about fourteen times a day." Is this true? Am I the abnormal one? Even fourteen sounds like a lot to me, but there have been times that I swear he's "shared" fourteen with me over the course of a mere hour.
When I asked why he didn't seem so fartilicious before I moved here, he reported, "I used to hold it. That's how much I love you."
"Don't you still love me?"
"Yeah, but now you've got the ring. I'm all yours, babe!"
Aw, how romantic.